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I'm having lunch with two women who have written a book about marriage. Lanky and pretty, with short hair, she is sitting across the table from me.Maggie Gallagher, a short and plump woman with a pageboy haircut, sits between us. We're at a table in the Algonquin Hotel, but these two women have written a book that's a million miles from Dorothy Parker or the Round Table.It's like the single lion prowling around and he's never sure when he's going to get any.If you actually have a woman and settle down ..." I'm starting to worry that I am understanding this exchange, so I change the subject.As for your present married life, say it's midnight, the baby is howling and your 3-year-old has the mumps. This is not time for gabbing about." Waite catches my eye. "Basically the argument is: If you know you're committed to your partner, you pledge to be sexually faithful.According to something called the "National Sex Survey" -- the only source for the two women's arguments -- the thing that's foremost on your mind at that moment is fornicating with your spouse. The survey asked, ' Do you expect this relationship to be sexually exclusive? And that doesn't make any sense." "My agenda is a little bit different than hers," Waite says.

Being married makes you healthier and wealthier, and you have better sex than single people, they say. I don't want to start on an antagonistic note.

When I was 22, I spent my nights chasing women around Manhattan and sleeping with more than a few of them.

I wouldn't want to have spent those days doing anything different." "Many men would in theory like sexual variety," Waite says thoughtfully.

Our opinion would be no better than anyone else's." She adds, "In terms of sex differences, they're often subtler than they're presented [to be], and ultimately the fact that we all inhabit bodies doesn't change.

We can't become another species, but we're totally responsible for the way we behave." Waite looks confused by this jump, but Gallagher -- bless her angry little heart -- makes the leap with me.I still want to know who these mythical enemies of marriage are, so I ask, "Is anyone making the argument ' I'm not going to get married because I won't ever get laid'?" "I think it really works in reverse," Waite says, dodging the question.' Something like 97 percent of married people say, ' Yes.' Then you know that your sex life with this other person is for a long time, so you know that if you're going to get sexual satisfaction, your best bet is to give sexual satisfaction, to figure out what your partner wants and likes and learn how to do it. "I'm an academic researcher, and it seems to me that we have to pay attention to the evidence; I'm very focused on evidence and data.



Talking about sex with married women Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, authors of “The Case for Marriage,” talk about why they think wedlock makes it.… continue reading »


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